By Joan Yap, Columban Lay Missionary in Taiwan
What have you to do with us, Jesus of Nazareth? Have you come to destroy us?” These words struck me deeply because they reflect what I feel whenever I am confronted by something unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
I have been a lay missionary for almost fifteen years now, together with She and Reins. It is truly a blessing that, until today, the three of us are still here. As a lay missionary, I am grateful for the meaningful missionary experiences in Taiwan—through the ministries I have been part of and through the people I have journeyed with. I would say that who I am today has been deeply shaped by my experience in Taiwan.
I was able to step out of my comfort zone and learned to work in partnership with the ordained and with volunteers. Through this, I began to enjoy their company and was able to share laughter and simple moments with the community.
Over time, I began to notice that we were becoming fewer and fewer. Before, we used two dining tables; now, we gather around only one. With fewer members, many of us are carrying multiple leadership roles. This reality led me to ask difficult questions: Why are we getting smaller? Why are we letting go of old ministries and changing our direction and plans? Honestly, all these changes feel overwhelming.
My understanding of the wider Columban Society used to be very limited. My world was mostly Taiwan. I did not know many Columban priests or lay missionaries, partly because I am shy. It was only recently, when I began joining online meetings regularly, that I started to learn about other Columbans and their situations. During the international CLM meeting in 2024—my first time participating in such a large gathering—I heard directly the words “closure” and “letting go.” This stirred many mixed emotions in me. I felt sad, discouraged, and at times even hopeless. As more people continued to leave, I found myself asking, What is really Your plan for us, for the CLM, Jesus of Nazareth? And in prayer, I heard Jesus say, “Be quiet.”
Those online gatherings were not easy for me. As a shy introvert, they were challenging. Yet that journey became deeply personal—a journey about the mission, about God, and about myself. I am learning to trust the process. All the fears and anxieties—the hopelessness, selfishness, complaints, doubts, and negative thoughts—need to quiet down.
What is being asked of me now is to be present, fully present to the reality we are facing and to the needs of society. Today, I remain here as part of my yes to God as a lay missionary. I continue to offer my worries and concerns as a lay missionary, allowing God to empty and purify my heart. The invitation is not to be shaken by change, but to remain faithful to the call. The invitation is to trust—to trust that God will show me what I need to see and help me listen to what truly matters.
And this is my prayer and my hope: that we may learn to listen more deeply to God. For I believe this is the power of Jesus—when we truly trust Him, His authority does not destroy us; it leads us into new life.
