By Fr. Louie Ybañez
In an Islamic country like Pakistan, Christmas doesn’t cause much of a stir for the majority of people. However, it does matter to many Christians, as it represents a celebration of profound faith and a proud adherence to their unique religious identity. A wedding is a different story.
From December to February, driving to the villages can be slowed down by convoys of cars following a white decorated vehicle, often accompanied by a truck loaded with people dancing to traditional Sindhi music or a drumbeat while travelling along the road. They call this the “barat,” or the groom’s wedding party, as they head towards the bride for the wedding ceremony. When you see this on the road, the wedding season is on.
Most of the Parkari Kohli people have a modest wedding compared to others, but even the most modest one requires significant effort, considering their economic background. Some families borrow money to meet their expenses. One of the most important responsibilities for parents is to arrange a marriage for their children, as it is seen as a way—especially for daughters—to secure their future.
Most marriages tend to happen at a young age. Many girls are married off by their parents as soon as they turn 18, and some even attempt to marry them as early as 15. Marriage in Pakistan is always a family affair. It is mostly the parents and some relatives who decide whom their children marry.
For the Parkari community, days before the wedding, there is a ritual called “Tapna.” It is of Hindu origin, but the missionaries, with the help of Parkari Kohli Christians, have adapted an enculturated Christian liturgy. Traditional elements and materials that hold significant meaning for the community are blessed and used in the rite. This is followed by the blessing of a sitting place for the betrothed. The room would be draped in relis or cloth mats, mostly hand-stitched with geometric patterns, on which the bride or groom will sleep during this rite of passage. As Christianity touches the originally Hindu rite, elements like the cross, the Bible, and religious images are placed in one corner of the room.
Traditionally, this practice would continue for 15 days, but recently, the number of days has been reduced to only a week. It is a special time for the bride and the groom, as it can serve as a period of spiritual and personal preparation for the important change they are about to go through. The bride or groom will be confined to their houses, most often in a particular room for their protection, allowing them to prepare for this significant rite of passage. The rituals convey affection from the family and also provide protection against evil influences. Family members try to be at their father’s house during this particular time for the rituals and to celebrate the joys of the occasion.
As I officiate at tapnas to commence this sitting-in rite, I often reflect on what occurs during the following days. The young woman or man enters that liminal space, transitioning from single to married life. What do these rites signify for them? And what is their personal and spiritual readiness to accept another person, who in most cases is a complete stranger? Moreover, the girl must instantly join a new family and learn to get along with them, especially at a very young age.
Most of our girls marry into Hindu families, and without visitation from a priest or regular catechism, they may likely be drawn back to their Hindu roots. I feel compelled to examine our catechism strategies. Faith is an essential element in the culture and within these rites, but the emphasis is not yet strongly connected to the practice. Family catechism is one aspect that I find weak within our ministry.
We are still at a phase where much of our catechesis is quite basic. Our catechism does not address the depth of people’s experiences in general, particularly in marriage preparation. Tapnas and the rites that take place in the days leading up to the marriage rite offer an opportunity for the gospel values to penetrate the lives of those we prepare, especially at a young age. This requires a greater understanding of the rites and their values, but it is equally significant for ministers of the Gospel to make regular visits to ensure that the gospel values are preached and sought after within these important rituals.
